I Remember
by quietfujoshi
Summary: Soulmate AU. Sometimes it's not by touch but by the stare to finally see color around you. And so will their soulmate. They too, see color upon their first meet. But in Onodera's case it's different. To the point it hurt so much he left him. The only color he can see is hazel, caramel-like. So he wonders why ten years later he recognize a strange man with such pure hazel eyes.
1. Chapter 1

Colors are pure. Delicate. But beautiful, even the odd ones. It is a feeling. Like a flower blooming but faster. Like everything is so much clearer than a simple black and white. You see everything. But that's only when you meet someone. Your soulmate. But it's not by touch to see color, even the sight glare, the world around them is blooming. And so is their soulmate.

When Onodera Ritsu experienced it, the feeling. It was so exciting and new. Like feeling the sun warm his soft cheeks. But he never thought that his soulmate would be a upperclassmen. He didn't care though, he already loved him. Oh how his hazel, caramel-like eyes were so... Beautiful. He never saw such pure color. Heck, he never even saw color but black and white.

He just couldn't stop staring at him, looking up to stare his hazel eyes. They were going across a row of books, till their eyes met. Onodera blushed and look down at the book that the upperclassmen gave him when Onodera was trying to reach from the tallest shelf.

 _Can he see the color around him like me...?_ He thought. Onodera knew that when meeting upon your soulmate they too should see color. He wonder if the upperclassmen can see his eyes... Onodera never saw how his eye color were like, though his parents told him. Because they are soulmates so they can see color around them.

But Onodera was always confused with people who are born unrequited. He understood the meaning of it. Someone who is born that they are forever to be trick within the eyes that they believed they met their soulmate. But that so called soulmate can't see color when they "finally" meet. Once they are over with that "soulmate" the world around them go back to black and white. But they will find a new soulmate, and so color will bloom back. Or so they thought. It is a curse that some people live through. It's like a loop, that just starts over painfully again and again. And it's heartbreaking. Because he knows his childhood friend An-chan was born with it. Because she believed that he was her soulmate. But Onodera saw no color when she confessed of it. She always saw color when she first met him. An-chan was deeply heartbroken. But she never gave up on him. Even if the slightest small colors started to disappear.

Onodera is confused with himself. Was he born with unrequited? Can his to-believed soulmate see color too? No... His... Senpai must see color too... Onodera walked away from him and walked into another row of bookshelves. He finally picked up his head and... Woah. It's so bright... The room filled with so many colors. Seeing the curtains move from the wind blowing outside from the windows. Outside he saw a clear blue sky that were so delicate. The books, so many books yet so many different colors. Onodera couldn't help but smile. He finally met his soulmate... But he's too afraid to talk to him because he's scared to find out that he can't see color after their first encounter.

So... Onodera will just read the books that his Senpai have read. Of course he was embarrassed when he started to do that because he was "stalking him". But he's not, he's just... Concerned. That's right... Just concerned of what his Senpai reads. _Saga_ _Masamune_... He was filled with so many emotions when he found out his name from the library cards. When he realized of his actions, he changed his surname to hide his identity.

And so this continued on for the next three years. Onodera never told anyone that he finally sees color and he never talked to the upperclassmen. He only would glare from a distance. Onodera knows where he sits, what time he leaves the library, what books he would read. He was too scared to think that he can't see color. Because no matter how hard he tries, Onodera can see his Senpai's caramel eyes when he closed his. Maybe he really was born with unrequited. His eyes are tricking him. But Onodera won't give up on his Senpai.

\- Pretty short chapter but hope you guys like it. I might continue writing this depending my confidence and lacking of writing. I'm really insecure of my writing but for some reason I was so urge to write something of my OTP and having the thought of publishing it. And here it is. Yep. Not panicking at all. But I really hope you guys like the first chapter and maybe I shall see you again soon!-


	2. Chapter 2

Saga Masamune never knew what color look like. Course he has to find his soulmate for to see color. But Saga never really cared. He rather just see black and white for the rest of his life. Saga's family is falling apart and never understood why his parents married in the first place. Doesn't seem like they would be soulmates.

Saga had dated a few girls. Ones who think he was their soulmate. But he knew they were unrequited. But he still dated them. Saga just wanted to try to love someone who wasn't their soulmate. It never worked.

So when an underclassmen confessed to him... He was confused. Saga did recognized him though. His stalker Oda Ritsu. How could his stalker love him if they never even talked? Is it possible that he could see color? When Saga realized he was being serious, he wanted to crush him. Because Oda Ritsu is unrequited.

Saga sees no color. It makes sense that his stalker might be seeing color and believes he's his soulmate.

 _I just want to crush his illusions..._

Dammit. What's wrong with him? Saga never thought that spending time with him can be... fun. Talking about books that they both enjoy, going to the bookstore to look at the same issue magazine.

What Saga noticed around him was there was slight faded colors around him. Just a slight faded color to realize what's happening. What he's feeling.

And when it happened... When he finally saw color, Saga knows that he truly loves Oda Ritsu. He knew it wasn't when he first met him. It was when he finally realizes he loves the underclassmen. To finally see color.

And oh to see those eye color of his... So pure yet delicate. Saga just wanted to kiss his eye lids. To kiss his soft brown hair, his warm cheeks, his gentle lips...

Those precious time with him, he would spend every second with Ritsu. And he would ask the sudden change of behavior. But Saga would only kissed him softly, for no words to be spoken. He never knew how to express his feelings towards words. He would just express by action. Saga would be gentle and careful with Ritsu.

Especially the night it was their first time... Saga felt complete with his little kouhai. That he even whisper I love you... Saga hoped Ritsu heard him. And Saga hopes he can see color... Oh he knows he can definitely see them. Saga's just scared to admit it because he fears of losing him. Yet he knows that he has to tell his kouhai sooner or later... Better if its soon. He'll tell him soon...

* * *

"Like a sleepover at your house?" Saga asked as he stared down at his red kouhai. They were in the library sitting together. "A-ah yeah...! If-if you would like to stay over t-tonight..." Ritsu said, almost in a whisper. Saga thought about it, his head resting on his hand. He looked down at his book, and flipped a page as he said "I don't mind. I don't think I ever been to your house."

"Y-yeah! My p-parents are out on a business trip... S-so... Since i-it's Friday... " Saga looked up to see Ritsu looking down at his clenched hands. Saga then just ruffled his kouhai's hair.

"I'll stay over tonight. We'll just have to stop at my place to get some clothes." He saw Ritsu turning his head to stare at him, only to be blushing more.

"T-that's fine!" Saga heard the hint of excitement in his voice. And seeing the cheerful smile of his. He couldn't help but to turn his head to the side and smile softly. Not letting his kouhai see.

Hours later, they walked up to the front of Ritsu's house. Saga gazed at the place, mostly the same size as his home.

Saga wasn't really surprised, just the way Ritsu would talk about his parents, he knew he live in a wealthy home.

When they walked up to the front door, Ritsu nervously got out his keys and try to unlock the door but his hands was shaking. He laughed nervously and finally opened the door.

Saga and him walked inside and he looked around the hallway. It's a basic modern like hallway and there were stairs in the left side of the hallway.

"I'll show you around the house if-if you like..." Ritsu spoke quietly as he took off his shoes.

Saga ruffled his hair and said ok. They walked around, Ritsu showing where the kitchen would be, walking to the living room, two study rooms one bathroom and another room that was a library like setting. Saga look around the room, seeing two couches and a bean bag chair.

"This is my favorite room of my house... I-I would stay in here and read books either from shelves or from the school library..." Ritsu said as he looked at his Senpai.

Saga walked up to one shelf and noticed some books he have read. But he was also fantastic by many other books that either are rare or a good collection.

"Where's you room at?" He asked as he walked up to him.

"Ah... M-my room is upstairs... The third door to your left..." Ritsu looked down as he blushed. Saga thought it was cute when he did that.

They walked into Ritsu's room and it's a decent size for a teenager like him. There was a book shelf that was filled with different sizes of books. Then there was a desk by the window at the end of the room. To the left was Ritsu's bed. Across from the bed was the drawer and nothing else much is said to describe his room.

Saga asked where the bathroom was at and it was next to his room. He went inside to changed into comfortable clothes. Just his white t-shirt with the green sleeves and jogging pants.

He used the toilet then, washed his hands and got out of the bathroom. Saga walked into Ritsu's bedroom and he too was changed into comfortable clothes. He was sitting on his bed, but kept his head down.

Saga sat closely with him. His hand went to his chin to turn Ritsu's head around and placed a kiss on his lips.

Ritsu gasped and pushed him away. "W-what was that for...!?" He asked confused with his Senpai's action.

"Don't act so nervous just because I'm in your house." Saga answered and ruffled Ritsu's hair.

Ritsu's cheeks became more red and covered his mouth. "S-sorry... I'm just not use you being in my room..."

"But you're used to being in my room?" Saga asked in curiosity.

"T-that's...! U-um..." His kouhai only response was a stutter.

Saga then hugged him to stop the stuttering. And it worked.

"I'm glad I came over..." He whispered softly into his kouhai's ear. Saga felt him shake and brought his arms around his shoulders to hug him back.

"I'm glad too Senpai..." He whispered. Saga moved his head to look at Ritsu. His hand landed on his cheek and caressed it. Ritsu closed his eyes tightly. Saga smiled softly at his kouhai's shyness.

He wanted to see Ritsu's eyes... He could stare into them forever.

"Ritsu... open your eyes." He said as his kissed his forehead to comfort him. Ritsu slowly opened his eyes and saw how his Senpai's eyes was staring into his. He couldn't help himself but to asked a question he was afraid to say.

"C-can you see color...?" He whispered so quietly hoping that maybe he didn't heard, but Saga heard him clear.

Saga kissed his lips gently and whispered "Yes... I can." He saw how his kouhai's eyes sparkled from his answer. He then heard him whispered another question.

"Can... you see my eye color...?"

"Yeah... They're a beautiful shade of green, almost emerald." Saga smiled softly, never leaving his gaze from his eyes.

Ritsu blushed and looked down, seeing the hint of a smile on his lips.

Saga brought his lips to his and kissed him tenderly. Guiding his hand to caress his neck

Ritsu was mindless from the kiss. He couldn't do anything but to squeeze his hands onto his Senpai's shoulders.

They broke the kiss to take a breath. Both panting heavily. "What eye color are mine?" Saga asked as he kept panting.

"T-they're a hazel... caramel like.." Ritsu spoke quietly and blushed even more.

Saga's lips turned into a small smile. He hugged Ritsu tightly. Saga then whispered something into his kouhai's ear and he only blushed madly from his question.

Nothing more is said as they kissed and their night turned into a beautiful memory.

But a beautiful memory can become a blur imagine because of one certain day.

* * *

They were in Ritsu's house, and it's been after they made love. Their uniform shirts and pants unbuttoned. Ritsu was looking down but a smile on his lips.

"Are we going out Senpai...?" He asked in hope. But the only thing he heard was a quick laughter from his Senpai.

 _W-why...?_

So many questions ran through his head but the one thing that was clear: his Senpai was playing with him. He wasn't thinking straight till he realized he kicked him out of his house.

Ritsu ran to his bedroom, locked the door and cried under his blankets. His mind was rushing, but everything seemed like a blur.

Soon he heard the door knocked. "Ritsu? Are you ok?" He heard his mother through the door. His eyes were dried from earlier but he still rubbed them. He walked up to unlock the door and saw his mother.

"Ritsu... Your eyes are red. Are you ok?" His mother asked with a worried expression. He just shook his head. "I'm ok... It just... I'll accept your offer." Ritsu said as he looked down. "Do you mean abroad to study at England?" He heard her voice in surprised. "Yes... In fact I want to leave tomorrow... it's best to go early right?" He just doesn't want to see his Senpai... Not after what he did.

"Alright Ritsu, I'm glad you made the decision. But... you sure you're alright?" He nodded and gave his mother a sad smile. His mother then told him to go pack up.

The next morning Ritsu left to the airport saying goodbye to his parents and An-chan. As he finally sat down in the airplane, he looked outside the window. And noticed how the blue sky was faded, he could only see the slightest blue.

At the time Ritsu thought that it was just the regular color sky. But as days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, the world around him turned back to black and white. Ritsu felt devastated. He really was born an unrequited. But the odd thing about it is that the only color he can see is a hazel, caramel-like brown. It's just a faded color so when he sees objects with the color, Ritsu could only slightly see it. It is almost gray but almost its full color.

That's when Ritsu realized he was colorblind.

-Ok. Bear with meh people, it will come into clear sense soon. Ahh I want to make this au very clear so you can understand it. Like I know the idea, I just don't know how to put it into words? BUT I got this, hopefully you enjoyed this chapter, I hope I didn't confused you with whose pov it was? The last part under the line break was Ritsu if that makes sense? Well! You already know I'm a weird human being haha, I shall see you again soon!-


	3. Chapter 3

Colorblind. The original meaning is when a person is unable to distinguish certain colors. But Onodera was taught differently of the word. What he understands is when two soulmates have lost each other, the only color they can see is the eye color of their soulmate. The other colors can not be seen.

And lost meaning either they drifted apart or one had passed away. Onodera never understood why soulmates would drift away from each other and could still see the color of their soulmate's eyes. Then again... He understood himself. Onodera realized how such a naive kid he was when he met someone from his past...

Course there is no one to blame because you can't pick your soulmate. It's all just... natural. Almost like fate for two people. But Onodera is just confused with his fate or something called like that.

A year went by. He did nothing but studying in England. Onodera tried ignored the color of a light brown. It was the color of hazel because he would see others with the eye color. But it's a shaded hazel, it's not all visible. Still. Whenever Onodera would see that color he would just remember him.

It would hurt too much. To remember those vivid memories. This tragic event affected him so badly that he would have a meltdown in the middle of a class session.

He would hear the whispers everywhere, can feel them pointing at him. Curious of why he's crying. Onodera raised his hand for the teacher to notice him, and asked to be excuse for the bathroom. When Onodera heard him say 'that's fine', he quickly stand up and walk-run outside the room. More tears began to fall and he ran faster, trying to find the nearest bathroom. He found the door, running inside and into a stall. Onodera covered his mouth with his hand, muffling his loud cries and the other trying to wipe the waterfall from his eyes.

God, his heart is being teared apart again. It feels like his heart is squeezing painfully. It's not the fluttering feeling that he can't recall. Onodera doesn't want to remember the feeling he was believing into. ' _It was all just a trick. I'm an unrequited...'_ Onodera thought as he silently cried in the cold bathroom.

And yet... he's not unrequited. Onodera knows he's colorblind and he feels so desperate to feel Saga's touches again. He _is_ his soul mate. It seems... fate just brought him here. They were meant to be but there are consequences. Which Onodera hates of.

He wiped away the small tears and gotten out of the stall. He walked up to the sink to wash his face. Onodera looked up to see his reflection on the mirror. His eyes are piercing red. His eyes avert from the mirror, embarrassed that he cried in front of the class. Onodera grabbed a brown paper towel to clean his wet face. Before he left, he looked at himself again. His eyes narrow for when he stared at his hair.

 _God this hair is so childish..._ Onodera brushed a strand of hair from his left side. Then he started to ruffle his hair in all directions. Till he felt alright with how his hair is now covering his forehead. Onodera looked down, and walked out of the bathroom.

Year after year, Onodera did nothing but finishing school at England. He did though, take classes of literature. He was always fond with the art work of books. Throughout the days, seeing the shaded brown was something that became normal. Well.. not normal but used to it. It's like... a memory he can't, well.. more like he _doesn't_ want to remember.

Instead... Onodera moved on. Of course it's never that easy. There are nights when he cried, and just doesn't know what to do. Onodera is in pain every single day. Without a soulmate by your side, it's like a part of you is gone. Nothing or no one can make you feel less isolated. Without Onodera's soulmate, he is just in pain. Physically and emotionally.

That's is the hard part of being colorblind. It effected Onodera of how he is. But, he's used to it now. It made him have the trait of stubbornness. But, he was determined. Onodera never wanted to give up on something just because of the pain that effects him.

When he does lay down, he tends to ovethink about him and his soulmate... Onodera knows he's out there.

 _What would happened if... he was here, right next to me.. every thing would be so different... but.. it doesn't matter anymore._

Nothing matters anymore because in the end he _hurt_ me.

 **-Ok. First thing first, I'm sorry for not updating, I feel like I disappointed you guys. I had writers block, I wasn't so sure where to go with this AU. I'm really sorry.. This is probably not good and sorry if it doesn't make any sense... But I will continue with this story! I cant promise that the next chapter will be here quickly. But I hope you enjoy and please please review! It really gives me motivation and confidence..!-**


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